brahm'splaining jhāna, brahm·splain /ˈbräm splān/, brahmsplain, brahmsplanation

brahm·splain

/ˈbräm splān/

verb informal brahmsplain; 

3rd person present: brahmsplains; 

past tense: brahmsplained; 

past participle: brahmsplained; 

gerund or present participle: brahmsplaining;

noun: brahmsplanation;

    (of a supposed expert on Jhāna and/or Pāḷi) explain ('splain) how Jhāna works according to the suttas,

to someone (who oftentimes knows more about Jhāna, suttas, Vism., than the 'expert'),

in a condescending manner, with a baffling combination of overconfidence and cluelessness.

1.  "Sujato brahm'splained that the Buddha teased out a special esoteric meaning out of that word 'vitakka'  because he [the Buddha!] had an impoverished vocabulary and was forced to redefine it." 

2. "I asked a Pa Auk teacher what is ekaggata, 

what does it mean in first jhāna, 

and why does it redundantly have the same role as both vitakka and vicāra (gluing mind to nimitta), 

and how the heck does second jhāna even work if vitakka and vicāra drop out, 

yet ekaggata supposedly had the same role?  

They brahmsplained some mumbo jumbo. 

I can't even remember the confusing nonsensical string of words they said."

3. Ajahn Brahm claims 'kāmehi' of first jhāna is not sensual pleasures, 
but the 5 sensory faculties themselves. 
When asked to show what suttas show that ever being the case, 
since every occurrence in the suttas is always about sensual pleasures, 
he refers to the first jhāna formula use of 'kāmehi'.
This kind of brahmsplanation is circular reasoning, 
a fallacy so elementary even a young middle school student could spot it.
  

4. Followers of both Brahm and Vism. based heretical redefinitions of jhāna 

brahmsplain that even though the five factors of first jhāna are present and in full force,

it's not actually first jhāna "proper". 

(Vimuttimagga, canoncial Abhidhamma, and EBT suttas disagree, if jhāna factors are there, even for the time it takes to snap one's fingers, that's a moment of jhāna.

Vism. also corrupts the original definition of access (upacara) and fixed (appana) samādhi from Vimuttimagga.)

Kind of like saying even though the sperm is there, 

egg is there, 

the egg is fertilized, 

it's not pregnancy "proper", 

it's just that the factors of pregnancy are there.

Other examples

 Sujato, Brahm, Vism., etc., redefining jhāna's 

kāya as "body of mind",

vitakka as "not thinking",

rūpa as "not physical form, mental visual form",

is about as convincing as Ian (manager of Rock group 'Spinal Tap')

 'splaining that "appeal is becoming more selective."