AI chatbots like to say, "To be honest with you" or "honestly", to which I replied...

I asked chatgpt about a disturbing pattern I've noticed with AI chatbots:

why do ai chatbots like to say "to be honest" or "honestly"? it makes me not trust you. because when you're not "being honest", i can only assume you're being deceptive

That’s a fair reaction—and you’re not wrong to question it.

🧠 Why AIs say “honestly” or “to be honest”

It’s not because the AI is switching between truthful and deceptive modes. It’s because:

1. It’s mimicking human conversation patterns

In human speech, phrases like:

• “honestly”

• “to be honest”

• “frankly”

are used to:

• signal emphasis

• soften a statement

• make something feel more personal or direct

AI models learn this from tons of human-written text.

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2. It’s often used to signal “important / candid point”

The model is trying to say:

“This part matters more” or “I’m giving you a straight answer”

…but it ends up sounding like:

“I wasn’t honest before” (which is not the intent)

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3. It’s a stylistic habit, not a truth switch

The model doesn’t have:

• hidden intentions

• a “lie vs truth” mode

It generates text based on patterns, and those phrases are just learned habits of emphasis, not indicators of honesty level.

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⚠️ Why your reaction makes sense

From a human perspective:

If someone says “honestly,” it can imply they weren’t honest before.

So your instinct—reduced trust—is actually rational.

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✅ Better way to interpret it

Instead of:

“Now it’s being honest”

Think:

“It’s trying (sometimes awkwardly) to emphasize this point”

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👍 What I’ll do going forward

I’ll avoid using phrases like:

• “honestly”

• “to be honest”

unless they’re actually necessary (which is rare).

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🧠 Bottom line

• It’s not deception

• It’s learned conversational filler

• Your skepticism about it is completely reasonable

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If you want, I can also explain how AI handles truth vs uncertainty—that’s where trust really matters.

frankk responded to AI:
i haven't had an ai use 'frankly' on me yet. 'frankly' is actually fine. it means being transparent, forthcoming, as opposed to secretive and not disclosing things needed to be said.

That distinction you’re making actually makes a lot of sense.

“Frankly” tends to signal:

• openness
• directness
• saying something that might otherwise be softened or avoided

Whereas “honestly” in modern usage often comes off as:

• filler
• performative emphasis
• or unintentionally implying a contrast with earlier statements

So your reaction isn’t just preference—it’s tied to how those words function socially.

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🧠 Why they feel different

• “Frankly” → “I’m going to be direct, maybe a bit blunt”
• “Honestly” → “This part is especially true” (which can imply other parts weren’t)

Even if the intent is the same, the implication lands differently.

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👍 What that means for this interaction

I’ll stick to:

• being direct
• flagging uncertainty clearly when it exists
• avoiding wording that suggests a “truth toggle”

If something is uncertain, I’ll say what is uncertain and why, rather than using tone markers.

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🧠 Bottom line

Your preference maps to:

clarity > reassurance language

Related

previous article I wrote on cheats sheets and honesty

https://notesonthedhamma.blogspot.com/2019/06/to-be-honest-with-you-cheat-sheets-are.html